Helping Children Cope With Anger in Healthy Ways by Melissa Acquavella-Lightfoot, Psy.D.
Anger is a normal feeling but it's one of those feelings that in its unbridled expression--not so great things tend to occur. Cue a wailing infant who doesn't like diaper changes, the toddler who doesn’t want to sit in their car seat, the girl whose brother won't stop teasing her. The need to cope with anger doesn’t stop there with plenty of situations in adolescence and adulthood to challenge one's ability to manage the familiar feeling of anger rising up inside--like when a teen is told they can't go out with friends because of a family obligation; when you are put on hold for the third time by customer service; when another driver is being unsafe on the road putting you in danger.
Coping with Anger is a common topic in my therapy sessions with children especially children who have a more strong-willed temperament or those diagnosed with ADHD, Autism Spectrum Disorder, or Anxiety. Fortunately there is an abundance of engaging and visually appealing resources that can help children to understand their anger and it's many forms from frustration to rage. Within these resources are some fantastic coping strategies. Here are some of my top picks in the categories of Children's Books, Workbooks, Visuals, Articles on Coping Skills, and Games.
Children's Books
Soda Pop Head by Julia Cook
Julia Cook is one of my favorite children's book authors for the purpose of bibliotherapy. Her book, "Soda Pop Head" is about a boy, Lester, who often loses his temper so often that the kids at school even made up a song about it! The story presents Lester in situations that are relatable to school aged-children and describes how losing his temper impacts Lester and those around him. Thankfully, Lester's Dad empathizes with Lester and encourages Lester to use several strategies to manage his big angry feelings. I think the strategies presented in this book are a great start to identifying strategies to suit young clients and the book is a very fun read with colorful illustrations.
https://www.juliacookonline.com/2018/03/20/soda-pop-head/
A Little Spot of Anger by Dianne Alber
"A Little Spot of Anger" provides a visual way to help children understand the concept of managing big angry feelings and being mindful of how small frustrations can turn into large angry emotions. I like how the book encouraged emotional awareness. The book introduces a red spot as a visual representation of anger and provides counting and breathing techniques that shrink down the red spot. The story presents common situations that cause children to feel anger and prompts practicing the calming techniques.
https://www.dianealber.com/products/a-little-spot-of-anger-a-story-about-managing-big-emotions
When I Feel Angry by Cornelia Maude Spelman
"When I Feel Angry" is suitable for elementary school-aged children and follows a bunny character through day-to-day situations that cause her to feel angry. Some of the situations are social, some are achievement and school related, and other situations result when her plans are thwarted. What's fantastic about this book is that the character describes how anger feels inside her body and she distinguishes between having a feeling and acting on that feeling. The book then provides strategies that children can use when managing angry feelings.
https://corneliaspelman.com/when-i-feel-angry
Workbooks
How to take the Grr out of Anger by Elizabeth Verdick and Marjorie Lisovskis
This workbook is geared towards late elementary and middle school children. It includes some colorful, exaggerated and comical illustrations to keep children interested and maybe even entertained. Other workbook highlights include normalizing anger and the bodily feelings associated with it, rating your anger using "the rage gauge", offering quick strategies to manage the intensity of your anger, providing steps to gain control and "tame that temper", outlining steps for solving anger problems, and presenting "ways to keep your cool" in general. The down to earth and validating tone of the book will resonate with older children and tweens.
What To Do When Your Temper Flares: A Kid's Guide to Overcoming Problems with Anger by Dawn Huebner, Ph.D.
Dawn Huebner is well known for her therapy workbooks for youth and for good reason. Incorporating a Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) approach her workbooks validate children's experience with emotions, behaviors and thoughts and the difficulties they can pose at times. "What To Do When Your Temper Flares" uses activities and metaphors to help youth understand their emotions, their thought patterns, and consider a healthier perspective. The workbook also provides coping strategies and mock scenarios guiding youth to manage their emotions and behavior more effectively.
https://www.apa.org/pubs/magination/441B005
Starving the Anger Gremlin for Children 5-9: a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Workbook on Anger Management by Kate Collins-Donnelly
"Starving the Anger Gremlin for Children" workbook presents young children with the concept of externalizing their anger which is a very effective Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) tool for gaining control over challenging emotions--think Dr. Dan Siegal's "name it to tame it" concept. In this workbook youth will identify their own "anger gremlin" which provides children with a way to put a bit of distance between oneself and one's anger. Youth will then be guided on exploring their anger through the anger gremlin character concept. The workbook includes many relatable stories, fun puzzles and activities to keep youth engaged and motivated while learning about all aspects of anger including triggers and related thoughts and behaviors. Youth are taught anger management and coping strategies through the playful concept of "starving" the anger gremlin of more anger to keep him, and one's angry feelings in check.
https://us.jkp.com/products/starving-the-anger-gremlin-for-children-aged-59
Visuals
Anger Iceberg by Lauren Stockly, LCSW, Play Therapist/RPT-S from CreativePlayTherapist.com
The "Anger Iceberg" concept and visual is one of my favorites to use when exploring a child client's anger especially when a child does not have much insight about their anger or is lacking verbal skills to express what's underneath their visible angry behavior. This visual is also helpful when exploring more complex anger related to trauma, loss, or life adjustment challenges. The Anger Iceberg visual demonstrates how the angry behavior and angry words are only the "tip of the iceberg" and there is so much more underneath the visible anger. The visual provides a list of other feelings that may be lying beneath a person's expression of anger. There are many versions of the Anger Iceberg visual available online--some are basic, some are colorful, and some are cute. At the time that I am writing this article, CreativePlayTherapist.com offers a free "Anger Iceberg" visual. This version is great--colorful, playful, appealing to youth, and it includes some briefexplanation of the concept.
https://creativeplaytherapist.com/anger-iceberg/
What Pushes Your Buttons from Mental Fill Counseling Tools
This simple visual worksheet is a great addition to therapy sessions that explore a child's anger triggers. The youth can check off which items on the list are personal triggers and I encourage my youth clients to add their own ideas to the page.
https://www.teacherspayteachers.com/Product/What-Pushes-Your-Buttons-Anger-Triggers-2048633
Coping Skills
Helping Kids Manage Their Anger article from CopingSkillForKids.com
This article on helping children manage their anger is a fantastic collection of different types of tools and strategies that adults can use to help children manage big angry feelings. The article includes all the best concepts-- it normalizes anger as a feeling; emphasizes the importance of what a person does with their angry feelings; provides quick ways to cool your anger; explains that the thinking part of your brains is not fully functional when you are stuck in a big angry feeling; encourages identifying anger triggers and how anger feels in your body; identifies other feelings that are underneath your anger; introduces the concept of rating your anger; provides sensory and grounding techniques to calm anger and provides a list of books adults can read with children to reinforce all these concepts. https://copingskillsforkids.com/managing-anger
Games
Royal Rage by Play Therapy Supply
Royal Rage is a card game involving castle characters expressing varying degrees of anger as well as characters who cope with anger. Some cards have questions or prompts for the player to respond to and promote emotional awareness and awareness of thoughts and body signals related to anger. Healthy anger coping skills are promoted within the game.
This card game is fun, fast-paced and brief (15-25 minutes) and is a playful way to encourage children to talk about anger, engage in perspective taking, and reinforce coping skills.
https://www.playtherapysupply.com/games/royal-rage
Mad Dragon by Sammons Preston
Mad Dragon is a matching card game similar to UNO. Some cards have prompts or questions related to anger, tips on minimizing anger triggers, or anger coping strategies. My child and tween clients love playing UNO in session and Mad Dragon provides a therapeutic and fun twist to this popular card game.
https://www.creativetherapystore.com/products/mad-dragon
Anger Management Thumb ball by YouthLight
Using a "Thumb Ball" is a fun, engaging activity that incorporates a bit more movement in the form of tossing a ball. The ball is typically soft and designed like a soccer ball so that prompts or questions are written in the hexagon and/or pentagon shapes on the ball. I included a link for an Anger Management Thumb ball that can be purchased on Amazon. I've also made my own Anger Thumb Ball using small, soft soccer balls I purchased from Amazon.
https://www.amazon.com/Anger-Management-Thumball-4-Youthlight/dp/B01HU792YA/r
Anger Management Games for Children by Deborah M Plummer
Anger Management Games for Children is a actually not a specific game but a handbook for therapist working with children ages 5-12 on anger management. The book provides detailed information on incorporating 62 different games in therapy with children. It is a great resource to support any child therapist.
https://www.playtherapysupply.com/books/anger-management-games-for-children